Meek? Me?

Gentle.

Meek.

Quiet.

Gracious.

Lovely.



These are some of the words you typically hear associated with a “godly woman.” However, they’re not words I typically associate with my personality. And, at 27, I’m trying to figure out how right or wrong these associations are.



For women like me that were born and raised in the church, we’ve heard it all. We’ve heard Paul’s teachings on the role of women in the church. We’ve been reminded to be “Proverbs 31” women. We’ve heard our pastors teach in Colossians and been exhorted to submit to our husbands, as the church submits to Christ.



As I was telling a friend last night, I was especially conservative when I grew up. By the time I graduated from high school, I was reaffirming my beliefs that abortion, even in the case of rape or maternal mortality, was always murder. That you couldn’t be a Democrat and a Christian. That gun control was an intrusion into our rights. That homosexuality was an abomination (but that you love the sinner and hate the sin). And that women should always, always be submissive to their husbands. I wanted to get married soon after high school (although I was single at the time), have children, and be a good wife and mother. That was my ultimate goal for my life, and my career would always come dead last.



In short, I was the ideal conservative Evangelical teenager. Never smoked, never drank, hadn’t even kissed a boy. I was saving myself for my husband (that one actually worked out), so I had avoided premature physical relationships.



Unfortunately for my parents, a lot of those firmly-held beliefs were shaken and sometimes abandoned when I went to college. Azusa Pacific University is a Christian university (unless you ask Biola grads), but it’s a bit more progressive than other Christian schools. I had professors that rejected the traditional Christian views and taught that our interpretations of the Bible weren’t always accurate or culturally relevant.



I was shocked. I had always questioned some of the ideals I had been raised with, but pushed those aside as traitorous thoughts. I never rejected my faith, but I had wondered if it was really accurate to insist on certain behaviors and politics as being classically “Christian.”





My politics are a different story for a different day. As I mentioned in one of my blog posts, I’m a registered Independent, but tend to be more left-leaning on social issues. I might delve in to some of these issues down the line, but I can already tell this blog is going to be a novel.





My topic of choice today is the Godly Woman paradigm.



I’ve always, always questioned how I fit into that role.



I’m not quiet. I’m loud, outgoing, and sometimes boisterous.

I say things that people are thinking, but are afraid to say out loud.

I’m not shy or easily offended, and I enjoy shocking people sometimes.



I’m a classic type A. I’m high-strung, aggressive, and competitive.



I’m a perfectionist, and I always insist on being right.



Rather than crying and carrying on, I get quiet. The silent treatment is my preferred method of punishing people who hurt me, but I can also argue until the sun comes up.





I don’t mean to wear these personality traits (and flaws) as a badge of honor. There have been many times that I’ve asked myself, “Why are you so terrible?”



My husband is kind and patient and loving and generous and easygoing. It can’t be easy for him to be married to Attila the Hun.





I’ve looked at so many women in the church that I know and asked, “Why am I not like that?” I think of such lovely women as Brenda, my mother-in-law, and I hang my head. They’re so sweet! I mean, genuinely hugs and sunshine and rainbows sweet! Natural grandmothers—nurturing and soft-spoken and gentle.



That’s not me. I CAN be all of those things, depending on the situation I’m in and the people I’m with. But, typically, I’m much more of a sassy loudmouth than the woman with the quiet disposition.



Except…my mom isn’t entirely like that. She is one of the most incredible women I know, and she is a near-perfect example of how a godly woman should be. She is supportive, and loving, and hard-working. But she’s no doormat, and you wouldn’t confuse her for a kindergarten teacher. My mom, bless her heart, is a little spitfire. I know she wouldn’t notice or acknowledge most of these classifications. However, they’re accurate.



My mother is strong. Strong in character, strong in virtue, and strong enough to maneuver an entertainment center around the living room thirteen times before putting it back where it started.



She speaks her mind, and has become bolder and more confident and assertive as I have grown up. Maybe having two daughters that don’t fit into the sweet Little House on the Prairie mold has done that.



My sister is not your stereotypical girl. She loves action movies and football and outdoorsy stuff, and eschews typical “girl stuff” like chick flicks and gossip and boy drama. And she loves the Lord with her whole heart.



My grandma can accurately be described as a “saucy little minx.” (My favorite description of any woman ever…and my life goal.) She’s hysterical and dances around and will casually throw out little statements you typically don’t hear from grandmas. If I had known her as a young woman, I imagine she would have been like Rita Moreno’s character in West Side Story. Swishing her skirt around while she sasses the men around her. And she is also an example and role model for the members of her parish. At her 80th birthday party, the priest talked about how she had been an inspiration to him with her faith.





Now that I think about it, I come from a family of dames, in the grandest sense of the word. When Frank Sinatra sang about how “The Lady is a Tramp,” he may as well have been singing about the Salas/Aceves women. And, most impressively, they all carry with them an abiding love for the Lord. My mom can stand her ground and be firm, but she has shown me that being submissive to my dad isn’t a point of shame or disgrace. Natalie and I always knew who wore the pants when it came to my parents—both of them. When my mom defers to my dad, it’s because she trusts him to make the best decision for our family, and because that level of respect is part of what fuels their marriage.





So, yeah. Maybe I need to clean up my act a little. I should be a little sweeter, a little kinder, a little more patient. Okay, a lot more patient.



I’d rather be bold than aggressive.

I’d rather be saucy than crass.

I’d rather be firm than demanding.

I’d rather be gracious than deferential.





But, really, I just want to be like my grandma, and my mom, and my sister. I want to be a woman who loves the Lord, and my family, and my friends. And I want to be a saucy little minx.